Saturday, 1 September 2012

Buried Alive... With an Itch

We all have fears and questions about that one inevitable thing in life - Death!

How is it going to strike us? What will it be like? And definitely a very morbid topic for me to approach in my second attempt to blog to the world (but you’re just going to have to suffer through this).

So one way to go, which is commonly bought up in shows like CSI, or even made into Hollywood… ah hum…  “Blockbusters” is being buried alive. Personally I think it would be a pretty terrible but boring way out of this life, I mean, at least make it exciting and be one of those old guys who die from a heart attack in the middle of sex. At least you go out doing someone you love and enjoy, and ironically the way you came into the world. But anyway… back to the point of this.

So I cannot recall how exactly this all came up with Dr. Dave (most likely because I have developed selective hearing and ignored the noises that were coming out of his mouth) – but when I did start to take notice of what he was saying, I came to;

“The worst bit about being buried alive would be if you got an itch. Like itchy balls.”

WHAT!? Coming from the mindless land of watching TV to intercepting this sentence… I’m afraid to say my brain broke a little. The internal dialog of my mind started screaming: Why would you care about an Itch? Wouldn’t you be afraid of dying? What about getting out of the coffin? YOUR GOING TO DIE!!!!

I know if I was caught buried alive in a coffin I would be more concerned about the potential few minutes of oxygen I had remaining (don’t quote me on that), and if I could, I would Uma Thurman my way out of that shit - Kill Bill style. I’m pride myself on being a home trained Ninja!

N.B. If you do not know what I am referring too… please do me a favour a watch Kill Bill, preferable both volumes, but at least volume 2. Or here is the lazy version [ ]

So after the universe has just exploded in my mind Dr. Dave furthers his views:
“I mean if you couldn’t reach your itchy balls, you would just go insane! I think that is worse torture then being a dark coffin buried under dirt.”

In saying this, I believe he does have a point – one that only possibly men would understand. Ball Itch! (Sorry ladies, please feel free to rectify me if there are similar issues – mosquito bites do not count) It irks me to think of being stuck in a situation where you just can’t reach to satisfy that itch! We’ve all been there – those moments in public where you just need to find a private spot for 5 seconds just to scratch! But still to this day I think, does Dr. Dave have a self preservation mechanism? Ball Itch!! What is wrong here! I can understand in a public space – but you’re in a coffin! Life first Dr. Dave - LIFE FIRST!!!!


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